fuzzed out catchy as fuck power pop/punk/garage rock/bumble gum goodness. this record kicks all kinds of ass. like Husker Du and the Ramones had a baby.
MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF 2012
Django Unchained: at this point you either love Quentin Tarantino or you fucking hate him…or maybe you don’t even give shit (have an opinion about something!). this is what he does. this shit ain’t ever changing. I am a shameless QT apologist. Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction both came out when i was in highschool and had a huge influence on my taste in movies ever after. Tarantino knows what the fuck i like. Django might just be his messiest most over the top movie yet. it has literally everything you could possibly want from Tarantino: buckets and buckets and buckets of blood, Samuel L. Jackson reminding people he used to be an awesome actor, Don Johnson as a racist Colonel Sanders, Jamie Foxx killing the fuck out of everyone, people getting blown up by dynamite, Tarantino trying to act, and a bowing horse. i love it. LOVE it. will probably go see it 2 or 3 more times in the theater. it is the most Tarantino movie Tarantino has ever made.
Moonrise Kingdom: at this point you either love Wes Anderson or you hate him (wait…didn’t i just say the same thing about Tarantino) because he’s been making basically the same movie over and over again…but so did Woody Allen. so get over it. this is what he does. this shit ain’t ever changing. i am sucker for his meticulous little cartoon worlds of bad fathers, odd children, impossibly detailed sets, 60s folk soundtracks, and upper middle class white people problems. i loved every second of Moonrise Kingdom because it was just too cute not to. other than the part where the dog dies. Wes, quit killing dogs damnit! you are bringing me down.
The Grey: a movie almost no one i know saw. the previews just made it look like Liam Neeson fights wolves! but really it’s a movie about death and courage in the face of said death. it’s probably Neeson’s best performance ever, but no critics seem to give a shit because it came out at the beginning of the year and they all can’t remember movies that didn’t happen post-thanksgiving when award season rolls around.
Looper: i am and always will be a sucker for a good sci-fi movie. does all the time travel shit make any sense? who gives a shit? it’s Bruce Willis running around killing people and the kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun trying to kill him. plus people have mutant powers. plus the most fucked up body horror scene in years. plus Piper Perabo naked. plus Jeff Daniels. plus Mazda Miatas.
Dredd: most violently stupidly awesome movie of the summer. a simple action sci-fi story that felt like something John Carpentar would’ve made in his Escape From New York/Big Trouble In Little China days. also the best 3D movie i’ve seen.
Goon: basically the best comedy of 2012 and the best sports comedy since Major League.
Turn Me On Dammit!: Alma is a horny 15 year old girl that spends her time masturbating, dreaming about Artur the boy she is crushing on, and hoping to get the fuck out of her shitty little town someday. Artur pokes Alma with his dick at a party but noone believes her because these little lip balm addicted bitches can’t deal with my girl Alma’s foxiness and brutal honesty. so Alma becomes an outcast. highschool sucks everywhere, dudes. more masturbating and phone sex and other such adventures til our hero Alma decides these motherfuckers can kiss her ass.
Marvel’s The Avengers: i thought this movie was going to suck. i had been mostly underwhelmed by the Disney Marvel movies other than the 1st Iron Man and thought that Avengers looked pretty fucking stupid. but hey, i was wrong, cuz this was the most fun i had in a theater all year. sure the first 30 minutes of the movie are boring as fuck, a lot of dialogue is terrible…but then The Hulk shows up and starts smashing things and i was turned into a 12 year old boy just smiling stupidly as that big green sonofabitch punches giant space worms in the fucking face.
The Cabin In The Woods: being that i love Buffy the Vampire Slayer with all my heart, i am glad Joss Whedon’s finally getting his due after all these years. Cabin In The Woods felt like something that would’ve been a really funny Buffy episode. i dig self aware clever bullshit.
Argo: Ben Affleck is a mediocre actor who has somehow morphed himself into a totally awesome director that makes tense little thrillers that Brian DePalma hasn’t made since the 70s.
Skyfall: James Bond + The Dark Knight + Home Alone = the best Bond movie since Goldeneye.
Safety Not Guaranteed: i am totally in love with Aubrey Plaza. i am such a cliche that i don’t even care anymore.
Chronicle: if not for the stupid fucking found footage format this movie would’ve been perfect. what would happen if some dumb teenage guys were given super powers? probably this movie. and if one of them happened to be a social outcast from an abusive home he probably would turn into a psychotic super villain. Chronicle would make for a really awesome New Mutants movie. seriously, when is hollywood going to give me a New Mutants movie?
End Of Watch: best cop movie in the last few years.
Savages: a nasty little piece of cinema trash that is easily the best movie Oliver Stone has made since the mid 90s. Benicio Del Toro steals the show. lots of brutal violence and torture.
The Raid: Redeption: has basically the exact same plot as Dredd but with way more kung fu. this movie reminded me of the good ole days of John Woo’s Hong Kong soap opera action movie killspree past.
The Hobbit: nowhere near as good as any of the LOTR movies of a decade ago, but still it’s a fucking movie with dwarves and hobbits and wizards fighting goblins and orcs…so why are you assholes complaining so much? a little slow, but worth an afternoon of my time.
Magic Mike: the most hilarious experience i had during any movie this year was watching Magic Mike with two drunk ass girls. plus Matthew McConaughey singing “Ladies of Tampa”.
Killer Joe: this movie wasn’t really that good, not like i had hoped, BUT still any movie where McConaughey gets to act shitballs crazy and wear a cowboy hat is a movie i am going to enjoy.
and cuz not everything can be a gem….
THE MOST DISAPPOINTING MOVIES OF 2012
Dark Knight Rises: or how Christopher Nolan killed the serious comic boy movie for me.
Prometheus: or fuck you! this movie makes no fucking sense! i could go on for hours and hours and hours about why i hate this movie. but you’ve all heard all the reasons from everyone else. i will still probably go see the sequel though, so shame on me.
The Master: two really great acting performances can not make up for the fact this movie is completely pointless and plotless and is the worst Paul Thomas Anderson movie of his career.
The Thing prequel: i don’t know why i tricked myself into thinking that THIS was going to be any good. it might be the worst piece of shit i saw all year.
Ruby Sparks: everything i hate about indie romances in one fucking movie.
This Is 40: more like This Is Depressing. This Isn’t Funny. This Is 40 Minutes Too Long.
it’s the end of the year…so that means time to make useless lists of your favorite crap from 2012 to share with the world so they can be torn apart and mocked.
I don’t even pretend to follow new music anymore. It isn’t because I don’t think people aren’t still making music worth paying attention to or I am stuck in my ways or any of that other shit….ok maybe it’s some of that, but honestly it’s just that i have become really fucking lazy in my old age. also trying to decipher what the average record review is actually saying about the record it is reviewing is like trying to explicate a poem and i just have no time for that….BUT through the power of osmosis and from the recommendations of trusted allies I occasionally stumble upon new music that i enjoy.
Here are MY FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2012 in no particular order.
Every goddamned album Ty Segall put out this year.
Ty Segall and White Fence- Hair
Ty Segall Band- Slaughterhouse
Ty Segall- Twins.
Ty Segall is one prolific motherfucker. Dude puts out a new album like every couple of months. i am convinced that it is because he believes the world actually IS ending in 2012 and he wants to make sure every kickass song he ever wrote gets heard before an asteroid smashes into the planet and robs of the chance of hearing anymore quality jams from the bastard son of Nirvana’s Bleach and Marc Bolan’s psychedelic glam stomp. Ty Segall is running this psychedelic garage rock shit right now and i am good with that. if the world doesn’t end i hope he’s got another half dozen more records in 2013.
Slug Guts- Playin’ In Time With The Deadbeat
Slug Guts are an Australian band carrying on the proud traditions of their grandfathers The Birthday Party and Pussy Galore with an unholy amount of post-punk noise and deathrock rattle. i always just assume the Mad Max movies are documentaries of everyday Australian life…it’s the only way to explain why they do fucked up rock n roll better than everyone else.
The Walkmen- Heaven
my relationship with the Walkmen is turning into a sort of old married couple. the passion of the Bows & Arrows days might be gone and we don’t fight and cry much anymore…but i know i can still count on them in the end. they are dependable as fuck. no bullshit. just great songs that you can lay around in bed and listen to. they put out an album, i buy it, i enjoy it, they put out another one and so on and so forth until the end of time.
Vincas- Blood Bleeds
Athens, GA’s best band put out probably my most listened to album of year. a gumbo mix of The Scientists’ swamp rock boogie, Suicide’s drone, and Scratch Acid’s weirdness. rock music the way it should be. Dirty, Sleazy, and Noisy as fuck.
The Men- Open Your Heart
the most straight up ROCK record of 2012 is all fucking balls and no fucking bullshit.
the post-rock scene doesn’t have to be all emotional Explosions In the Sky Friday Night Ligths episodes… it can also be a dance-y instrumental space rock party that doubles as a soundtrack for Blade Runner 2: Blade Runnerest.
Crocodiles- Endless Flowers
Crocodiles are still pretty much a Jesus and Mary Chain cover band…but it’s not like i am complaining. originality is fucking overrated. i love this glossy overblown shoegazey noise pop shit. this was my Summer soundtrack.
Wild Nothing- Nocturne
my need for 4AD-ish shoegazey dreampop was fulfilled in 2012.
State Champion- Deep Shit
this album actually came out at the end of 2011…but fuck it! i didn’t hear it until 2012 and so i am gonna put it my list anyways. This is pure hillbilly garage rock n roll that’s drunk as hell and has a lot of shit it wants to get off it’s chest. these are some Kentucky boys that just wanna play you some sad ole’ country songs but they can’t help it if their amps are stuck on Dinosaur Jr. it reminds me of a time when Americana didn’t automatically equal boring as fuck indie rock with some slide guitar added in for effect. if you are a fan of Uncle Tupelo, Whiskeytown, Steve Earle, The Replacements, and good honest American Rock n Roll then this is a record for you.
Sic Alps- Sic Alps
White Fence- Family Perfume vol 1&2
the best psychedelic garage rock records that Ty Segall didn’t make. good job dudes, i love Syd Barrett and the Olivia Tremor Control too.
Pop. 1280- The Horror
goth, No Wave, noise rock, 3 guys 1 hammer, film noir, PiL records, and songs about dogs.
Moon Duo- Circles
droney psych and krautrock influenced shit that sounds like Spacemen 3 covering a Silver Apples record.
Spiritualized- Sweet Heart Sweet Light
i like Spiritualized, so as long as J. Spaceman can not die of cancer or drug addiction he is always gonna get a spot on a year end list.
Terry Malts Killing Time
kick ass catchy ass fucking power pop with the fuzz pedal cranked in the red.
Psychedelic garage rock with a healthy mix of Wire’s Pink Flag
Cold Showers Love and Regret
a gloomy post punk record that sounds like it was made by kids who are just now discovering music by The Sound & The Chameleons or who think it’s been enough years since Interpol was relevant that now was as good a time as any to steal their schtick. but as i say around here all the time, originality is overrated….which is good cuz ain’t nothing original about this album. that’s just fine with me, Cold Showers understand how to write a catchy gothy little pop song. check it out if you are into that sorta thing.
Sex Church Somnambulist 7 inch
another band mining the 80s post-punk era for inspiration. droney/noisey garage rock trying it’s hardest to sound like Swell Maps and The Wipers. killer. one of my favorite discoveries of the year.
TEEN In Limbo
produced by former Spacemen 3 member Sonic Boom (aka Peter Kember), which makes a lot of sense because this sounds like a Spectrum album with a member of the Shangri-La’s singing over it. In Limbo is an interesting combination of new wave keyboards, atmospheric dreampop, and the 60s girl group sound. it’s just a wonderful mix of styles and influences i can get behind. other than having a band and record name combo that would probably get you some sketchy ass google search results, this is an excellent album.
TEEN “Better”Played 289 times.
TEEN In Limbo just landed on my radar after a recommendation from a friend, the record is produced by former Spacemen 3 member Sonic Boom (aka Peter Kember), which makes a lot of sense because this sounds like a Spectrum album with a member of the Shangri-La’s singing over it. In Limbo is an interesting combination of new wave keyboards, atmospheric dreampop, and the 60s girl group sound. it’s just a wonderful mix of styles and influences i can get behind. other than having a band and record name combo that would probably get you some sketchy ass google search results, this is an excellent album.
Ty Segall “Love Fuzz”Played 391 times.